Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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