I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
