Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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