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A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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