I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
