Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
