the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
