so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
