sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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