I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
