That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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