He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
