My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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