Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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