I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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