just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
