Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
