New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
