I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize