her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
