I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
