i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize