Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
