a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
