There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
