We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
