I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
