Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
