I don't think brook has ever known best
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This baby is an asshole
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
