i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize