I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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