Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
