There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
