If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
