3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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