How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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