I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
