This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Two words: nipple clamps
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