i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
