Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
