So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
