Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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