Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
