its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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