just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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