I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
A bitchslap is in order.
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