I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
