i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
