she was so not down for the gang bang
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
