You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
