I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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