She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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