He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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