tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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