Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
