So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
