I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
