I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
