I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize