A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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