Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
