if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
