Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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