oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
