I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
