I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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