Tell her she can't have a vagina
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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