So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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